Because I am a Womon

I am a Womon, and because I was a girl, my grandfather believed it was his right to molest me, repeatedly for years. Because I was a girl, it was okay for him to expose himself to me, touch me inappropriately and violate my body. Because I was a girl, it was okay for boys to grope me, to demand of me, to treat me disrespectfully. Because I was a girl, I was told it was not safe to walk or play outside at night. Because I was a girl, when I spent the night at my friend’s house, it was okay for her older brother to come in the night to tease, to grope me, to attempt to fondle me. Because I was a girl, I was told time and again I was not “Pretty” enough. Because I was a girl, I was told I was too fat, shamed and told to lose weight; I was not given breakfast or money for lunch, because I was told I needed to lose weight. Because I was a girl, I had to walk around with my jacket tied around my waist because once again, I had my period and I had bled through my jeans. Because I was a girl, I was in the bathroom doubled over in pain with cramps, but had to hurry to class before the bell rang so I would not be in trouble. Because I was a girl, I was told how to behave in order to make boys and then men interested, I was taught how to cater to males in order to please them, to make them like me. But I was also told to be on guard from them, because men were inherently more powerful than I was because I was a girl. Because I was a girl, I had great shame in myself, in my body, I wanted to be quiet, to be hidden, to never be visible. Because I was a girl, I learned to smile to hide the pain.

Because I am a womon, I knew I was supposed to grow up and marry a man. Because I am a womon, I did get married to the first man I seriously dated. Because I am a womon, I became pregnant by choice and a male doctor told me I could not be trusted during childbirth, science and research knew better, my body was inherently dangerous, my instincts to walk around, to move during labor were wrong. Because I am a womon, I was put under general anesthetic, my body was cut against my will, and my daughter was ripped from my womb and removed from the room. Because I am a womon, I have a scar on my abdomen, had no faith in my body’s ability to work as it should, and a daughter I love very much. Because I am a womon, I became pregnant again by choice, and was told again that my body is broken, my instincts are wrong, I am inherently weak and dangerous, and my body is not my own. Because I am a womon, I was cut against my will a second time, had my second daughter ripped from my womb, but at least this time, I was able to keep her with me in the room. Because I am a womon, I have two scars on my uterus against my will, and two daughters I love more than I could ever explain. Because I am a womon, I became pregnant a third time. This time, it was unexpected, but my then-husband and I welcomed her.

Because I am a Womon, I took my power back. Because I am a Womon, I told the doctors-with-their-research-and-knives to go fuck themselves, I would be having this baby on my terms. Because I am a Womon, I listened to MY instincts, and the Womyn before me guiding me on this journey, and I had my baby at home. Because I am a womon, I rocked, and cried, and fought, and moaned, and yelled, and danced, and breathed and pushed, and worked, and finally laid down in bed and growled, moaned, and felt the most primal,guttural, powerful feeling ever as I birthed this baby on my own. Because I am a womon, I have three daughters who I love more than I could ever explain. Because I am a Womon, I found my faith in my body; this liability became my most powerful asset in healing. Because I am a Womon, my body is powerful, I am strong, and I am a warrior for my three daughters. Because I am a Womon, I nourished my children with my milk, I helped them to grow, and develop and flourish. Because I am a Womon, I have three daughters for whom I would give my life. Because I am a Womon, I must teach my three daughters that they are strong, they are powerful, but men are still potentially dangerous. Because I am a Womon, I teach my three daughters to LISTEN to that voice inside them, to trust their instincts. Because I am a Womon, I teach my daughters that they are LOVED, they are WORTHY. Because I am a Womon, I tell my daughters every day how strong, powerful, and intelligent they are.

Because I am a Womon, one night I sat completely alone and realized I am living an entire life decided and planned by someone else; I realized I had lost myself very early on as a girl, and I had to somehow find my way back. Because I am a Womon, I realized that this life I had created was not the one I wanted, this was not my path. Because I am a Womon, I reconnected with my spirit, I rocked my world, and I made it MY OWN. Because I am a Womon who loves Womyn, who believes in myself, I am finally living my truths.
 
Because I am a Womon, I was molested, treated badly, treated as less-than, as dumb, inherently unsafe, objectified, abused, neglected, told I was broken, told I was UNWORTHY.


Because I am a Womon, I will be LOUD, take up space, laugh, dance, feel fierce, CRY, CELEBRATE, feel loved, feel LOVE, feel worthy, feel POWERFUL, feel beautiful, feel STRONG, feel SAFE. Because I am a Womon, I am standing proudly here today.