10 years.
I've
been wanting to write something about how meaningful Michigan Womyn's
Music Festival has been in my life, but I haven't known where to start.
I've been contemplating the profundity of experiences I have had as a
result of this Festival.
I was
recently taken aback to realize Michfest has been a part of my life for a
quarter of my life. No wonder she feels so huge, no wonder this feels a
bit like a death. I hope eventually I will look at it differently, but
today, there is mourning. I'm going to be with her one last time, to say
my goodbyes to this thing that has been a part of my life for 10
amazing years. I'm so grateful for all the wisdom she has bestowed upon
me - some lessons were more difficult to accept than others, but all
were profound. She gave me space to sit with myself, to get to know
myself. Nestled in her arms, in the comfort of her woods, I found me. I
found the way to nourish that which was buried so deep within me. I came
out from my own shadows, I came home. I came home inside myself, I
returned home again and again to those woods.
We
are both turning 40 this August. I've never been particularly afraid to
age, and feel that really it's a quite arbitrary number. It has become
somewhat more significant, however, knowing that
I am preparing to say goodbye. I've never been very good with goodbyes. This transition has become more meaningful.
I
guess it is time to close this chapter, and open myself up to more.
Perhaps I'm ready to put forth these lessons in larger ways, to seek out
community closer to where I live, to build a future that doesn't depend
so heavily on one week out of the year, while still maintaining those
connections that have grown from those weeks. Goddess knows I've longed
for that connection in my daily life.
But this transition... deep breaths....
This festival, this powerful community, my
family of choice, the home where I found myself, my voice; 10 years of
my life, my thoughts and daydreams, one week in August for 9 of those 10
years; she is truly a part of me.
10
years has seen me through newly coming out, finding my tribe, my voice,
gathering the strength and courage to leave my heterosexual marriage, starting my own business and seeing it thrive, and
living my truth - for myself, and for my three daughters.
10
years has helped me to show up for my daughters in new ways, better
able to listen, to see them. To know that my older two daughters have
both been to Fest, know this most sacred space, and feel its depth in
their own ways - it leaves me quite nearly speechless... and filled with
gratitude. I hope that my youngest daughter will take away valuable
experiences from attending for her first time this August, and I am grateful all three of my daughters will be there this year. It's always been my dream to see my daughters at home on the Land.
10
years. My home for the other 51 weeks of the year feels somewhat like a shrine
to Michfest - gifts, artwork, photographs, memories surround me from so
many of you, they comfort me.
10
years. YOU, my dear fest sisters who have become an intricate part of
my life. Your stories, your presence in my life, holding one another up,
sharing our lives, our joys, celebrations, our challenges and sorrows
with one another. We celebrate together, mourn together, laugh together, offer support
when we can. You are my rocks, and with your support, we have moved mountains. I love you.
10
years. It's hard not to feel the mourning. It's a huge loss, but what
I've received from Fest - this whole new life - courage, the time, the space to find my
authentic path.
I
live by a different set of values from many around me. I try to live an
authentic life steeped in
radical feminism, radical self-care (which I am still trying to master
and sometimes lose sight of) and deep connection. I sometimes
feel alone out in this big world. I have found comfort in knowing that
in
that place amidst the ferns, my tribe is waiting.
Amazons.
These six foot elders exist, and I honor them.
Inside my dreams, draped in red, we stand together, ready to take this world on. It's a comforting visual for me.
10 years. Michfest. She's a part of me, and I'm a part of her. My most
compassionate, loving, empowering relationship in my life.
Or
perhaps
this relationship I'm referring to is with myself. Knowing what I've
experienced from Fest, what I've had the opportunity to learn about myself... I know this lives on inside each of us. Perhaps,
in moments with my mind quiet and my heart filled with hope, I can feel her
power, MY power coursing through me. I can trust that I have my amazon
sisters beside me, and know I have the strength of the womyn before me
guiding me on this journey.
No comments:
Post a Comment